By Marcus Altheimer #832707
I’ve grew to the point of recognizing, pen pointing and correcting certain mentalities which lead me to a lot of issues I unnecessarily experienced earlier in life. I’m working on making correct changes in my thinking/ behavior. Ultimately transcending me into a more righteous man then my previous self.
Enclosed is another of the lessons I’ve learned/applied.
Some ‘Players’ from the ‘Game’ who’ve come from where I came from, or who are in my current situation would ask me, “Why disclose such truths to your partner?”
Or come with some stale game like,
“Never let the left hand know what the right is doing!”
In the streets, such knowledge is useful, but in building a solid foundation, that same mentality will cause rifts within a relationship.
By being completely honest at all times you allow your partner the opportunity of choice.
We, as healthy, independently-self thinking adults enjoy having a say in the choices we make in life. From the type of coffee you chose to drink in the morning, to more serious choices like which door do you use now that there’s no gender specific signs on public restrooms?
Take away a persons power of choice and they get upset real fast, Especially in a relationship.
Think about it, what if every coffee shop you went to told you that they would only serve you what THEY wanted to serve you?
Any dishonesty or deceitfulness at any time means that the relationship from that point is being built upon a lie. Most of the time its a small lie to begin with, which only turned big because one person was afraid to tell the truth, therefore taking it upon themselves to take away their partners ability to choose.
Because we are to afraid to be judged or criticized harshly, or in a bad light, we censor what we chose to disclose. But in turn we also effectively take away our chance for others to accept who we really are.
WHEN, not IF the truth ever comes to light, the one lied to are usually more mad about not being given the opportunity to accept the situation for what it was. (Although most can’t see that underlying issue, so they feel as if the behavior/situation that lead to the lie, is what the problem is.)
Both parties subconsciously know that’s not the real problem so the one lied to will eventually forgive. And the lier will continue to be dishonest.
Never addressing the real problem.
Both parties may then continue building the relationship lying to each other until eventually one or both get fed up an they go their separate ways, just like you’d eventually leave the coffee shops alone to make your coffee yourself or find a shop that will allow you your own choices.
The street game/games played on each other often create unresolvable dissention between each other. But because nowdays most are mentally unheathly, we believe such games are essential to our survival. We are all vulnerable human beings but most are afraid to admit that or let that side show. Therefore we
protect/hide our vulnerabilities at all costs.
By doing so it creates a false mask that one must continue to put on. One that portrays strength, one that portrays nothing being able to harm it. One that acts as if being lied to doesn’t effect it.
This in turn it desensitizes us to lies, while at the same time hyper sensitizes us to the truth.
We begin to expect the lies and become offended by the truth, as expressed in a the common saying, ‘The truth hurts.’
The truth only hurts because your so used to being lied to!
Then we lie to our partner and ourself by saying or believing we love each other.
Love isn’t decietful, its not afraid to be itself, it doesn’t fear being vulnerable. Love trusts its truthfulness is appreciated and will be returned in kind.
Love is transparent with its partner, it allows its partner the choice to accept it for who it really is. Love is not a game.
We should tell our friend/partner the truth about all things in order to always give them the opportunity to accept us for who we truly are, therefore at all times we’ll know that that person actually loves or accepts our true self rather then some facade.
If at some point something unfortunately comes along that our partner isn’t willing to accept then we’d now have a decision to make. We’d have to reevaluate our actions to see if they are worth continuing and risk losing our partner over. Or figure out if change is capable and if your partner is worth changing for.
That’s another reason so many people decide to just play a game, most people are afraid of honest self analysis, they are afraid of what they may see looking back at them in the mirror of self-criticism. And they are afraid to admit their faults and concede to change. By doing so they’d have to admit they are wrong. And some people can’t admit that, not even to themselves.
If you can’t keep it real with yourself what right do you have to expect anyone else to keep it real with you?
Honesty doesn’t always tell you exactly what you want to hear cause its easier, its stepping up to tell you what you need to hear, the truth, and being accountable for that truth regardless of the consequences.
Agree or Disagree? Feel free to send me any questions or comments. My info is on the CONTACT page.