Category Archives: Todd Bass

OUR LAST DANCE

I take your hand, with so much love
And lead you out onto the floor

There is no band, no music playing
But we dance to the beat of our love.

Sometimes I have to pretend nobody is watching
Other times the rest of the room dissapears.

We dance and laugh, spin and twirl
You teach me how to be a man

You are the best moma bear to your baby cub
One day I will teach the things that you have taught.

When nobodies dancing I know what to do
Be bold and brave like you showed me to.

My love will never sit on the sideline for fear
I will always dance with you Moma Bear.

When the day comes and the music in you heart stops,
I will always remember to dance when nobody else is.

Thank you Moma Bear.
I love you more than a single butterfly,
Your Baby Bear

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

My Heart

She beats with courage and fearlessness.
She laughs long and smiles deep.
My heart is out there in the free world.

She knows right from wrong.
She wonders about beautiful things.
My heart is always Growing.

She is open to lifes lessons.
She is always getting better.
My heart loves me like no other.

She will live in front of my eyes.
She will still beat after my death.
My heart is in Idaho.

She carries me from a distance.
She is my life blood.
My heart is my daughter.

She suffers from my choices.
She tries to see me through.
My heart is Riley J Bass

I Love you more than a single butterfly baby.
You are my heart.
Thank you for being so amazing.

daddy

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

ALL IN A LOOK

You showed me what you couldnt say,

I didnt miss it.

I just smiled.

I know because you told me,

With out a word.

My heart bounced around.

There is no mistake, no coincidence.

I can read the unspoken word.

You are kind.

Thank You.

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

HOW SOON THEY FORGET

When I got sentenced to 18 years in prison, I had a facebook page friend list over 5 hundred. I would sell between 35 and 85 tickets to friends and family to my amature cage fights.

In the last three years of incarseration 9 people have come to see me, and my mom has been to see me more than the other 8 people combined probably 10:1

At some point in this sea of mind numbing time I started to wonder if I somehow dont deserve visits. Or maby I was a dirtbag out there, or was selfish and a bad friend.

I made some mistakes, please believe me. But do I deserve to rot alone in this cage?

Absolutely not.

No way.

This place is bittersweet. It has weeded all the fake out of my life and yet, its lonely with out all the fake smiles. I dont understand why I am programed to feel like that. Why a fake smile is better than no smile. A fake friend is better than no friend?

I value the few remaining people in my life. I know I dont need fake people in my life as much as I dont want to be fake. I am just comming to terms with my choices and consiquences.

I am loosing touch with any resemblance of normal social interaction. I guess this is a side affect of incarseration called institutionalization.
I guess its a natural effect of prison. Its just weird to be conscious of it as It happens.

Just some random thoughts as another visit weekend goes by with no visits. I miss my family alot. Maby its just the holidays………

Happy Holidays to everybody……..dont forget about the kids and elders this holiday season. Drop in on someone and make there day………or maby there whole year. Take the time……..it goes quick.

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

DADDIES LITTLE RUNAWAY

So my daughter is a runaway. It is about the most helpless feeling a father could have in prison. I cant help her. She is, step for step, re-living my childhood.

I knew early in grade school I was gona have problems. I didnt learn the same way most kids did, by sitting still and absorbing information from a book or listing to a teacher drone on. I knew I was different.

Im watching my daughter struggle with my learning issues.

The problem With public schools, and most schools in general, is that they dont have The staff, funding, or compacity to address all the differnt learning styles Human beings use to absorbe and retain information. They simply address the “majority learning style”, leaving the smaller percentage of children to struggle, fall behind, become frustrated and even drop out.

My daughter didnt know how to ask for help or address the issue. So she Started skipping school. Her mom and grandmother tried to force her to go and face the frustation and humiliation of not understanding, not being abel to perfom and accell.

And at that age all you want to do is fit in and be accepted. Nobody wants to feel stupid or inferior. So she did what I did at that age and skipped untill she felt the same frustration and shame at home that she Did at school. Then she started running away.

I didnt realize in time that History way repeating itself again.

Now she has been a 15year old runaway for a couple weeks now and I have no way to contact her. No way to tell her there is a better way and that I understand what she is going through. I feel like I failed her again.

Wish kids came with a manual, or maby that I was just more responsible in choosing when and with who to have them with. Hind sight, 20/20.

I miss my daughter. She is my best friend, so awsome. Im a sad daddy.
Please come home Riley……..We can figure this out together.

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

WHAT I REALLY NEED

I need love.

It is a basic human function that is often neglected or even ignored in the free world. It is further compounded by a prison term.

In my setting, my living conditions……there is no love. You can be suffocated by respect, but its often ego or fear driven. Love left the building after visit hours, if you were fortunate enough to recieve them.

How can I reach out? How can I ask for basic human needs? Society is often to buisy to stop and appriciate the ebb and flow of the human contact that is love, friendship, affection, dedication and sacrifice.

I have my mother, my rock, who bears the burden of showing me the love I need as a human being. After almost 10 years of prison and what looks to be conservatively 10 more to go……..she is tired.

She is my everything, all the time. I will never know love like hers.

But I feel like the dead weight. My freakishly long sentence for stolen property is unfair and stressfull. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to help her. I am helpless by sentence, not by design.

I see so many hollow, meaningless relationship formed in here to the outside world. All of them are based on the basic human desire of contact and love. This place and its residents are often broken, damaged, warped even ruined maby.

I dont know how to grow and mature socially. There is very little outlet to the outside. There are even less opportunities in here to excersise a meaningfull relationships.

I feel the clutches of Institutionalization in the horizon. I suspect I may suffer them already. Like the frog who dosent jump from the pan as it slowly boils to death, how can you spot the subtle changes over the course of mind numbing sentences?

Its not a matter of if, it is simply a matter of when. The numbers dont lie. People serving sentnces of a decade or more are considered disabled and suffering phycological illnesses caused by confinement and high stress over long periods. A lack of love.

Disabled.

I believe in love.

And I believe love can help any situation.
I think people can be saved by love.
How do I find the love from here? Who has time? Who cares?

I know Im still human, I desire love yet.

Todd Bass
DOC #861671

PAIN UNSPOKEN

Today my Celly found out his mom died.

My celly is doing 21 years for killing the man who raped his sister. His cousins who went with him, all turned states evidence against him in exchange for a lesser sentence.

They have all since went home.

He has served 19 years and Is nearly done. We have spoke about his conserns of his parents being alive when he made it home. i

I Simply do not have words to offer him.

All I can give him is space to grieve with and wonder what it will be like when its my turn to bid my parents fairwell. Words dont fix the hole left in your life where your mother was. I feel like any attempt would be cheap and frivoluos.

So Im left to watch helpless as he drowns in pain unspoken.

Part of me wonders how it would feel to tell on your cousin for the murder of the man who raped a woman in your family. To go home years ahead of him, then watch him mom die before he made it home.

I can only imagine what its like to be a Rat. Let alone a souless coward who sells his family down the river to save his own skin.

I have to wonder, where is the seed of triumph that is said to be found in every tradgity? Maby its not my place, maby its not my lesson.

I am grasping for anything that might help………..any ideas?

Todd Bass
DOC #861671